Lunch time fun time
If there’s one thing Singaporeans can agree on, it’s our obsession with food. This article is a tribute to all our memories forged with our colleagues and friends during those glorious lunch hours.
1. The one that has to take photos of every dish
She has 300 followers on instagram and they all desperately need to know what she’s having for EVERY SINGLE MEAL. She then refuses to let you eat until you “hand model” for her and be the first to like her instagram picture.
You will also never ever be invited out again if you unfollow her on instagram.
2. The ones who insist on waiting for everyone at the table
The super family oriented guys who will put anyone else before themselves. Even if it means waiting for 30 mins for his friend to stand in line while his prawn mee gets cold. He never gets noticed until he finally loses it one day and then gets crucified for not waiting.
3. The super atas one
Famous quotes include: “Excuse me, is this really Hokkaido milk cream? I’ve been there before you know, I confirm know if you all are lying!” and “Waiter! There’s not enough caviar in my Bak Chor Mee!”
4. The my mother cook better guy
The momma’s boy who can’t stop talking about how great the food back home is and the old days when his family made chwee kueh together. Probably got kicked out of the house because he’s still freeloading off the family at 40 years old.
5. The directory
This guy always tries to one up you by giving suggestions for places that are soooooo much cheaper and sooooo much better tasting. But then he blames it on “his other friend’s” opinion when you stare furiously at him while chewing on really bad ngoh hiang in a sweltering hot kopitiam with no air-con.
They think they know it all but really:
6. The cannot stop talking girl
They are the ones who just can’t stop talking during lunch and make you feel like a complete ass if you even pick up your chopsticks because the whole table has to be focused on her problems right now! All you want to do is devour your wanton mee while she’s crying to the table about the time her boyfriend told her to maybe not talk so much.
7. Tissue guy
Ahhh old reliable, this is the one you always bring along because he’ll always have tissue paper. Until he forgets to bring them one day, then you leave him at the table with all your finished plates of food and ban him from following you for the rest of the day.
8. The super kiasu guy
Famous quotes include: “Eh bro, remember yesterday you borrowed 10 cents to go toilet? Wah no need to pay me back one ah?” and “eh uncle yesterday the lor mee was only $2.50, today it’s $2.60! How come so expensive?”
9. Miss I’m on a diet
She can’t eat, she can’t drink, but who cares? She looks like Fiona Xie. She also gets grossed out whenever she sees oil on food and makes you feel super fat. But at the same time, you kinda feel sorry for her daily lunch of tasteless chicken breast and strange green leaves.
10. Empress Dowager
The one who always finds something to complain about no matter where she’s eating. In a hawker centre she’ll probably complain about the noise and and how crowded it is. At a 5 star restaurant she complains about how cheap it would be to eat at the hawker centre and how snotty the service is.
Eating with them just make you wanna:
11. Miss “can I try some”
She’s always amazed at what you’re eating and would so totally love to buy it for herself but just wants to make sure it’s good first. You always feel a little reluctant to pass your food over but you justify it by thinking it will just be one bite. You’re lucky if you ever see it again.
12. The guy who can never decide what to order
He’s the guy that will hold a couple of people back at the table for a meeting about what he should order. “Should I have chicken rice today? But I already had roast chicken yesterday! But this chicken rice is so nice!” If that sounds like you, do yourself a favour and just toss a coin. It’ll make your friends way happier.
13. The one who always wants to split her meal with you
She’s the girl with the tiny stomach that will never be able to finish a meal all by herself so she forces you to share one with her. It’s kinda gross that you’re eating from the same plate but you don’t mind since you’re basically forced into a diet.
14. Mr super busy and important
Over time you’ve learned to seat this guy at the end of the table because he’s always part of another conversation on his phone. Whether it’s his girlfriend, mistress or clients the only thing you can count on is the rest of you waiting for him to finish his meal as you stare into your empty bowl.
15. Clean Freaks
They know every disease in the book, and could tell you about 101 ways you could die RIGHT NOW. They wipe and sterilize everything and their table smells like the hospital. Hawker centres are their worst nightmare and they bring along baby wipes to clean the cutlery before digging in.